Lover

There is a love in me that feels unconditional, especially toward children and many people in my life. When I look deeply into myself to find the source of this love, I encounter something unknown within that naturally wants to share, guide, and support those around me. For a long time, I believed that “I, Vijay” as a separate ego was the one giving this love, but now it is clear that this unknown presence is the real giver, and “Vijay” is simply the channel.

In the same way this unknown shares unconditional love with others, it also extends that love toward me, toward the ego called “Vijay.” This gives me a very intimate sense that I, as Vijay, am held in the hands of infinity, cared for the way a loving parent cares for a child. Because this unknown is formless, I am free to relate to it in any way, and I have chosen to give it the form of a woman. In doing so, she has become my divine lover, who offers me unwavering, unconditional love.

With her, I am completely honest. I share everything with her — the good and the bad, the higher and the lower aspects of myself. This is like a sincere introspection from an ordinary human perspective. In revealing myself fully to her, something extraordinary happens: I feel totally relaxed, calm, quiet, and I lose myself in her, like a wave dissolving back into the ocean.

When I emerge from this inner silence, I feel revitalized — not only physically, but also mentally, with fresh, finer, and more loving thoughts. Even in the middle of daily activities, I can sense the presence of this divine lover in the background, guiding me through a subtle inner voice. In a very natural way, this has become my way of integrating God (if I choose to call this Unknown “God”) into my own being. I no longer feel a need to search here and there for God outside.

For me, God is my divine lover — an intimate, romantic, and deeply productive relationship that shapes my inner world and my outer life.

Appendix:

Many women (or vice versa) in the outer world long for this depth of honesty and emotional nakedness from a man. Yet such honesty cannot be achieved by demand or expectation. It does not arise through pressure, but unfolds naturally in sharing love.