Marriage - I take care of you

I advise to go through this before reading further.

In the context of marriage, it is very common to hear a man say to a woman, “I will take care of you,” and many women also look for a partner whom they believe will “take care of them.” In my view, this can easily become a trap for both. It often recreates a parent–child pattern: one person becomes the caretaker, the other becomes dependent, and slowly both begin to lose their freedom.​

As children, it is natural that our parents take care of us. On one level it is a relief because we do not have to worry about survival, but it can also be difficult, even painful, when care is mixed with control and strict rules. Parents, too, may eventually feel burdened by constant responsibility. If, as adults, we continue to expect someone else to “take care” of us, the same dynamic repeats: we may gain security with one hand but lose freedom with the other, while the one who is “taking care” can feel the weight of lifelong obligation. Over time, both may end up living more from duty than from love.​

Adulthood, to me, is the time to express who we really are and to bring out the unique talents hidden within us, while sharing love with the people around us. When love is alive in us toward our children, our spouse, and others, the body cannot sit idle; it naturally moves and does something that adds value to those around us. Society may call this “service,” but in my experience it is simply love expressing itself.​

Imagine a couple where both are true adults: each keen on expressing themselves, who can feel and share love. Such a relationship becomes a space of mutual giving, creativity, and growth, not a contract of mutual caretaking and silent resentment.​

What I find very difficult to accept is when actions are done only as formality or duty, without the living movement of love behind them. That kind of action feels like a subtle form of inner violence, a forced movement against one’s own heart. The feeling of genuine love, and the movement that rises spontaneously from it, is something too delicate and sacred to be fully captured in words.